“Marriage is a beautiful thing”.
We hear this everyday and yet the number of divorce cases keeps increasing by the day.
Does it mean that marriage has lost its beauty and flavor?
Why is it difficult for people to enjoy a “happy ever after” experience with marriage these days?
As a relationship counselor, it gives me a lot of concern to see some marriages crash within months or even weeks after wedding.
This is not supposed to be so.
Marriage is meant to bring joy, peace and fulfillment in the lives of the couple.
In my experience as a relationship expert, I have come to understand that many people go into marriage with the wrong mindset and for the wrong reasons. This is exactly why their marriages don’t last.
In this article, I will be outlining the top ten things you must bear in mind before going into marriage.
The knowledge you are going to acquire from this article will shape your mind and prepare you for marriage so that you can enjoy that bliss, happiness and fulfillment that come with a successful marriage.
Let’s get started right away:
Respect is the key
In marriage, some things are more important than love.
I’m not trying to say that love isn’t important; as a matter of fact, it is vital.
But love in a marriage could fade away and when such time comes, mutual respect for each other will keep you going.
Understanding and most importantly respect must be present in your union so that you both can coexist.
Without respect in marriage, the coexistence becomes a form of torture to you both. This is when irreconcilable arguments start. At such moment, every contact with your partner suddenly becomes irritating.
You need respect in your union because lost love can be revived and rekindled, but loss of respect is a potential cause of divorce.
You both must work as a team
Teamwork is important to make marriages work. The success of any marriage is a collective responsibility and is not meant to be the job of one person.
Two captains cannot head a team at the same time. Don’t always try to be the captain; sometimes, you let him or her take the lead.
You both need to understand that whatever good or bad decision made will affect both of you. So try and always be supportive to your partner especially in times of decision-making.
Bear in mind that you both will grow and change 10 years from now
You must know that she is not going to continue looking the way she was when you fell head over heels in love with her.
For the woman, you need to equally know that the energetic caring young man that dreamt big and was passionate about changing the world will definitely change after years of continuously being crushed and frustrated under the corporate-life wheels.
All these life experiences will change the personality of you both.
One of you might change to become more aggressive, unbearable and unforgiving. You might even notice a lag in self-care. The sex might not be frequent anymore because of the low sexual libido from either of you.
However, when all these changes occur, you need to get used to the new you and device a means of accommodating each other to work past such moments, otherwise, the union will become a living hell for you two.
Fall in love with the eyes instead of the body
Before you say “I do”, don’t pay too much attention with the present looks, because the body will always age with time.
Instead, it is advisable for you to fall in love with your partner’s eyes because no matter the age, the eyes can never age.
You need to know that the beauty you are in love with now will develop wrinkles and saggy posture in years to come.
Same goes to that handsome guy with six-packed body build, because he may develop a muffin-top belly and patchy hairs in years to come.
If all these change in body looks can happen to our celebrities that spend their money and time to keep looking young, you can now guess what will happen to you and your partner.
The eyes is a connective link to the soul. So no matter how old they are, you will continue to feel your partner’s passion, joy and pain through them(the eyes).
It is good you bear this in mind before saying “I do”.
You both have to be friends to achieve success in your marriage
You must know that friendship is the glue that sticks couples together.
Without friendship in your marriage, it will be a difficult task for the two of you to communicate and understand each other.
Many years from now, when emotions and intimacy between the two of you has gone down, the friendship bond will be the only thing that will keep the union going.
If you look back at your marriage in many years to come and you have nothing to say, then you and your partner were never friends all through your life.
I want you to build that bond of friendship before saying “I do” because this is what will keep your union happy all the way to the end.
You must be together when the storms surface
What are the storms in marriage?
That persistent health problem, the tough times in our career pursuits, etc. These are what I term ‘the storms in marriage’.
You need to bear in mind that you are going to be there when those entire storms surface. You both have to cross it together.
You are not expected to leave your partner when such experience shows up; you have to stand by him/her with love and support.
Marriage is always work in progress
The “happy ever after” cliché can be an elusive statement for you if you think that once you are married, everything becomes perfect.
You need to know that the happiness and success of your union depends on the amount of work you put into it.
You don’t have to be taking little things for granted. Be willing to listen to your partner’s body language and complaints, and also device means to correct the errors made over time.
Be ready for the good times with him/her, and equally prepare for the hard times. Don’t change as situations change in your marriage.
Always maintain that attitude that made him/her fall in love with you no matter the situation. It is not easy, but with more effort, you will always achieve this!
Learn not to compare
Don’t go seeing a romantic movie and expect him/her to be like the character that engulfed you in the movie. This is not acceptable.
Learn to love and respect the person he/she is. Remember! Your partner was like that before you accepted to spend your lives together.
Don’t compare him/her with your friend’s partner. Your union might even be better than that of your friend who treats her husband/wife as the perfect one in the presence of people. You need to be careful because what you might have witnessed from your friend might just be a show…just like the romantic movie.
You need to appreciate, respect and love your partner the way they are. Some people are just good at putting up public show of intimacy and affection; don’t make your union their victim.
The sex will be more frequent
Hope this is very common huh! Yea…you need to feed your intimacy by communicating your feelings and needs.
To some, sex is like food and drink that must be taken often. I bet you wouldn’t want your partner playing unfaithful because of your inability to satisfy their sexual urge right? You should prepare yourself to accommodate the different sexual libido you both share.
This is very important and shouldn’t be neglected or overlooked at any point!
You must have a patient and forgiving spirit
Without forgiveness, your marriage will never work because it is common for humans to err. Disagreements and misunderstandings are bound to happen, and it only takes forgiveness for you two to live in peace.
When those unforeseen obstacles surface, just be patient and remember that time mends all problems. Always be patient and wait for the change to come.
I hope this was helpful. Remember! I’m always here to help, feel free and drop your comments/questions below. We always look out for each other at www.mysugarcandy.com. Stay cool!