low sexual libido

How to cope with a partner who has low sexual libido

Loss of sexual desires is the most common sexual dysfunction found in many, ranging from age 18-50. In marriage, sex is a connective tie that binds and brings out the true intimacy between two people. But behind closed doors, low sexual libido gap between couples are unimaginable to the extent that it is estimated that one out of four couples are in such great costly mess. If you listen to Doctors and marriage counselors, lack of sexual desires top the list of complaints by many couples. There is always a problem when a spouse desires sex more than the other does. If your partner has a low sexual libido condition, you can help him/her by changing a little bit on your approach to such frustration. You both have to acknowledge the fact that there is a problem and act proactively in solving it.

The following approaches will help you both to build back that which you lost along the line. As the sexually active partner, you need to take up the following steps for you to help your sexually hypo-active partner to get back on track:

When placed on the rejection mood, don’t always take it personal

Disparity in sexual desires within couples is quite common, though no one loves rejection repeatedly not even my little baby boy. You don’t need to feel that you are suddenly unattractive or lack some sexual qualities as a human being. Most times, it can be a psychological or hormonal problem. I perfectly understand what it feels like when that strong urge is rejected and denied; but you have to be a little empathetic with your partner.

If you try the turn-on buttons and they are all switched off, just don’t show your anger and hurt because you might not equally understand the pains your partner is going through with such problem. Even if your partner tries to justify his/her actions upon such rejection, he/she practically ponders why such thing is happening between you two; so your understanding in such case will be well appreciated.

In most cases, your partner is scared confiding in you about such problem because he or she doesn’t know how you would take it. He/she tries to conquer that feeling on his/her own, but it always get worse if not handled by you two. When you notice this attitude with your spouse just press the understanding button and focus on how to help him/her.

Pay more attention to your closeness and friendship

Work on your closeness with him/her, because your re-activated friendship can really be a turn on to your partner. Start paying attention to the things he/she loves, asking how the day went and helping with those chores that he/she would appreciate. You can start doing some cool stuffs that couples do, such as serving a cup of coffee on  bed in the morning; leaving some love notes and calling him/her up during working hours to check up on how the day is moving with him/her.

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For the men, staying more at home can equally be of great help and showering her with romantic praises can make her draw closer to you sexually without you initiating it.

Most women assume that when their men are experiencing that low sexual libido with them, it means they are having it elsewhere. It is not always so; there are so many things that can make him lose interest with you sexually, and nagging could be one of them. He needs your kind words and romantic compliments at this point, so don’t compound it with your unfriendly and unattractive nagging attitude.

Change your style and tactics

Change your attitude towards sex with your partner. If you have been in the habit of pursuing your partner for sex and he/she always feel pressured and declines often; it is time to change your style. Try a new strategy by backing off for a while. For a short period, you need to stop approaching your partner for sex no matter how attracted you are towards him/her.

Don’t talk, plan or initiate sex for a while and watch what happens. Most times, your partner might just need some time to charge up his/her battery; you might just be surprised at the craving result you will get. When your partner sees that you are no longer doing your usual, it will just arouse the feeling of finding out what is responsible for such; and before you know it, he/she will be in your arms with you seeking for a good time.

When such finally happens, show him/her the new styles that he/she wasn’t used to. With that, it will leave your partner wanting for me. This also means that you need to be innovative sexually to avoid making your partner see sex as been monotonous.

Tease, hug, kiss and touch affectionately without the intention of ending up in sex

You need to be happy around him/her always. Do the evening walk out together, play some indoor games and do things together happily. Teasing your partner will make him/her comfortable around you and will pave room for kisses and passionate touches that might finally lead to making love. Show your partner that you are not angry even at the latest development of things around you both sexually. This will give him/her room to either talk about the causes of the loss of sexual urge with you or bring him/her back to his/her original drive.

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Most women just want to be held, cuddled and kissed affectionately with no sexual motives in mind.  Men find it hard to hug their women without letting their hands slide gently down her body. Sometimes your woman may just need that harmless kiss and cuddling without sexual overtones that might lead to foreplay. Don’t always appear to be a sex freak, surprise your partner by being just affectionate and try to end it there. It can resurrect his/her low sexual libido and lead to your long anticipated mind-blowing sex that will be continuous.

Surprise him/her with gifts

Buying your partner gifts can play tremendous role to solving this low sexual desire problem. Get him/her those gifts that will wow him/her, but please; always buy what you can afford. Make that a routine for a while with no sexual advances as your reward, allow him/her to appreciate you sexually. Believe me; he/she will surely do that, especially if you don’t make your sexual needs so obvious. Show your partner that you still care as it was in the beginning. Most times, we stop doing the things we are used to and such contributes to the loss of sexual feelings towards our partners.

However, buying of gifts should not be one sided, women should also buy gifts for their partners; remember that whatever is good for the goose is equally good for the gander.

Love your partner through such situation

You need to show your partner that you are still on his/her team by loving him/her. Help your partner get over this situation by shelving your own sexual frustrations and encouraging him/her all the way. When you both finally conquers the low sexual libido experience, his/her level of trust where you are, will instantly be elevated.

Thanks for stopping by to read this, I will love to listen to your opinions and questions on this via your comments below, remember! We always look out for each other at mysugarcandy.com Stay cool!



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Author, blogger and a relationship coach that will help you remove all your emotional blocks and maintain healthy; happy and intimate dating/relationship life.

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    1. Hahahahahaha! but you will get married some day dear. Just make sure you pick one or two things for future purposes.

  1. My bf and I have been together for 4 years now, had an almost 2 y/o daughter and been working overseas and staying under one roof for 4 months now. Ever since we had a daughter accidentally, (but we love her so much!) he’s on the low side of sex. When i started drinking pills, he told me to stop as it’s bad for my health. I told him we’re not ready for another child yet, he answered ”no need, we will just not (play)”

    I am a very clingy woman and very passionate. i love him and adore him so much and i’m always craving for affection but he’s very bland and seldom touches me. Its causing me to overthink and makes me deeply unhappy.

    I know we love each other very much and he’s a good man who never cheated (i was his first gf and first everything at 28) and that he’s a simple man with simple needs but i am his total opposite who needs lots of attention and affection.

    Is there any way i could bring the fire back? Or is it me who’s the problem?

    1. There is nothing wrong with you and your man. The problem is that he is just scared of you getting pregnant again.

      The First thing to do is to approach him and talk about the current look of your relationship. When this discussion is going on, you need to pay active attention to whatever he has to say because it is important. You need to try as much as you can to redirect all your attention to what your partner is complaining about without interruption. Try to communicate and understand his body movement during this session and see the pains in his eyes. Take into considerations your partner’s areas of fear without sounding so self-centered. Whenever he is done talking, you can quietly start up your own complaints. Once you are able to put your emotions in check and listen to your partner, he will equally listen to you and such will make the journey of bringing the fire back in your relationship an easy one.

      You can also plan weekend getaway, surprise dinner together and incorporate those games/sports he likes in your plan. Remember those activities that bonded you two in the early times of your relationship and bring them back if you can.

      Above all, be patient with him during this period so that you won’t end up messing everything up.
      You can equally email me with the list of things that get him excited and happy, so that we can plan 30 days course together to revive the situation.

      Thanks and good luck.

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